Forgiveness is something I struggle with at times. Times like now. Most sermons I hear on forgiveness tend to be the “forgive everyone, don’t let your pride get in the way of the Lord’s will” and I dont want to sound boastful, but thats really not the problem I have with forgiveness.
I have a hard time with it because I have a hard time knowing what it looks like.
On the surface (and in the depths), its the ability to admit that someone wronged you, and the ability to not hold it against them, to be able love them in spite of the past.
Okay, easy enough. Someone makes an inappropriate comment about my heritage. It hurt, but it was a slip of the lounge. I forgive them, and its forgotten within 36 hours. Next!
The tough ones are where the transgression was more personal, and im driven in one of two directions.
The first case: I had a teacher verbally abuse me in 10th grade, call me names, accuse me of things with no evidence, and then she had the moxie to “forgive” me for this “transgression” but only because she had to because her brother was “guilty” of it as well. (I cheerlead (past tense), just FYI). As you can tell there is still a little bit bitter about it. Afterwards, i did not report her, i still did work for her class. I did not plan a coups within her class. I just wanted to never have unnecessary contact with her again. Was my attitude of not having revenge enough to constitute “forgiving”, even with the lingering bitterness. Is my lack of desire to show love to this teacher a sign that i have not “forgiven” her in my heart?
Case Two: I was in a harmful relationship this past year. This person kept wronging me, and I kept forgiving them and forgetting – forgetting as in I let the transgression continue to occur. In this case I dont think there was genuine repentance on the other persons part. This for sure is not a true form of forgiveness, its a true form of stupidity.
But how does one walk that line. How does one stand up and say “I do not forgive you because your not really repenting” and do it with a pure heart, and do it lovingly? And not do it with respite or hatred or revenge? How do we remember the wrongs that people have committed against us in a neutral manor?
How does God?
+Alex Resurgent
